From Our Schools: A review — ‘Emoji Movie’ is worse than ‘meh’

By JONATHAN AMREIN
Danville High School
The Emoji Movie could be the single most hated movie of all time. This movie is right up there with other critically-panned flops such as Jack and Jill, Saving Christmas, and The Last Airbender. But why is it so hated? Piqued with curiosity, and the lack of other interesting choices,  I decided to go see this so-called abomination. The hour or so that I was in that theater changed my perception of this film entirely. The screening room was almost barren despite it being 3:00 in the afternoon, and most of the occupants were toddlers with their parents. When the movie started it honestly looked somewhat entertaining, albeit seeming like a rip-off of Inside-Out. However I soon realized that I was in for a very boring and unoriginal piece of trash that was nothing more than a blatant cash-grab for Sony, Twitter, and Candy Crush. This movie made me swear off using emoticons entirely and, to be quite honest, texting to a degree. If you are willing to stomach the plot of this film then continue reading. If not, run away while you still can.
Still here? Okay here goes nothing: “Hidden inside a smartphone, the bustling city of Textopolis is home to all emojis. Each emoji has only one facial expression, except for Gene, an exuberant emoji with multiple expressions. Determined to become ‘normal’ like the other emojis, Gene enlists the help of his best friend Hi-5 and a notorious code breaker called Jailbreak. During their travels through the other apps, the three emojis discover a great danger that could threaten their phone’s very existence.”
Overall, I recommend you most definitely do NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES GO SEE THIS MOVIE. My rating: 0.2 out of ten. Reasoning: because it had Sir Patrick Stewart lend his vocal talents to a piece of excrement. Not even that could save this movie.
SO YOU KNOW
The next movie review from Danville will be “It” (2017).