Dear Abby: Mom longs to reunite family despite advice from friends

Published 10:37 am Saturday, March 13, 2021

DEAR ABBY: I recently got into a huge fight with my boyfriend, which caused us to break up and me to move two hours away to stay with my mom. We have a beautiful 6-month-old daughter, and I still love him very much. He has begged me to move back and has shown me he still has feelings for me.

Because of past abuse from family and previous partners, I find it very hard to trust. I would love to go back, but I keep being told that it would be a mistake. I want to be a family again, but I don’t want the people who tell me it’s a mistake to be mad at me. Must I give in and stay away or follow my heart and go back? — MIXED UP IN MISSOURI

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DEAR MIXED UP: I wish you had disclosed more about the fight that caused you to move away and take the baby. It must have been a doozy. Was he cheating? Physically or emotionally abusive? If it was any of those, I don’t think it is advisable to reconcile.

Why are “people” advising you not to go back with him? Are their reasons valid? If they aren’t, perhaps you should worry less about pleasing them and more about accepting responsibility for your own choices.

Should you follow your heart? Yes, if it leads you and this man to a licensed couples counselor for help in resolving your problems before they get out of hand again, and deciding what would be in the best interest of your child.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I just got married. We have only one problem: his ex-girlfriend. She used to be my best friend, but we fell out years ago.

She hadn’t contacted him in a long time, but since she found out we got married, she has been texting him begging to meet up. She messaged me once asking for all of us to get together, but she messages him to meet her alone and “talk.” He ignores her and shows me the messages.

Should I step in and tell her to back off or ignore her as he is doing? I trust and love my husband, but she’s becoming a pest and starting to annoy me and him. — TROUBLED IN TENNESSEE

DEAR TROUBLED: Because silence hasn’t successfully conveyed the message that you and your husband aren’t interested in renewing the relationship, HE should be the one to tell her — in plain English. If he doesn’t do that, then you should.

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