Dear Abby: Fortunes change for homeless women, but not her companion

Published 10:17 am Saturday, March 27, 2021

DEAR ABBY: I used to be a successful working woman until I lost my husband of 30 years. After I became homeless, I met “Tom.” We’ve been good friends for the last five years, hanging out in the woods, sometimes getting hotel rooms. It’s a platonic relationship, but we rely on each other.

I receive Social Security survivor benefits now, and I want to move on and get my own place. He says he’s fine with it, but I feel terribly guilty. He gets a small disability check but is not wise with money. How can I comfort him? — GUILTY IN FLORIDA

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DEAR GUILTY: Tom has told you he is fine with you upgrading your living situation. I presume that you don’t intend to desert him. Believe him and stop flogging yourself for your good fortune. Help him when you can and encourage him to contact an agency that helps the homeless so he can get his life back on track, too.

DEAR ABBY: I’m in a same-sex relationship with a woman I love and admire. But five months in, sex is becoming impossible because I think I’m heterosexual. Leaving this relationship scares me because I can’t imagine a life without her.

I told her I didn’t know if, for several reasons, sex would be a part of our relationship, but that I do love her. She doesn’t seem to mind at all. I’m not sure what to do. Please help. — LOVING IN LOUISIANA

DEAR LOVING: What you need to do is be honest with your partner. It is possible that you are bisexual and need to explore relationships with men before making up your mind about any permanent relationship. If sex is important to you, then the person you wind up with may not be this woman you love and admire, but someone else entirely.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.