Silly questions deserve silly answers

Published 10:30 am Sunday, June 27, 2021

Being able to sit down in a restaurant and be served a delicious meal is refreshing. I decided to do just that recently. I didn’t realize it but this would be the start of a week where I began to notice some of the silly things that people say.

It all started when I went into the restaurant. My wife and I were standing there alone waiting to be seated. The hostess approached us and asked, “How many?” Well, I’m no math major but I’m pretty sure I count two of us. That’s one of the reasons why my wife does the talking when we go places.

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We sat down at the table and I began to scan the menu. I was so hungry I wanted to order one of everything. I sat there so long waiting for the waitress to come back to take my order, I was sure I had grown a long gray beard.

The waitress finally came to our table and asked if we would like to order. I mumbled, “I considered sitting here starving to death but yea I guess we could order something.” Between the waitress mean mugging me and my wife kicking me under the table, I decided to go back to letting my wife do the talking.

I ordered a cheeseburger and the waitress asked, “How would you like that cooked?” Before I could stop myself I said, “Well on a stove would be nice but if you want to build a campfire back there it’s alright with me.” I don’t get it. She’s the one asking silly questions and I’m the one getting kicked under the table.

On the way out of the restaurant, I ran into a buddy who I hadn’t seen in a long time. It didn’t take but a minute for me to remember why it had been so long.

I innocently asked how he had been doing and he responded, “You want the truth?” Well no, I asked the question hoping you would lie to me but sure, honesty is one way of going.

The next day I stopped in a grocery store that I don’t normally go to in order to pick up something for supper. Not knowing how the store was laid out, I asked an employee where the meat section was. She looked me square in the eyes and asked, “Fresh meat?” Yes, I’m funny like that. I tend to shy away from the spoiled meat.

It seems that as my week went on, I started noticing all sorts of silly things that we all say from time to time. I had someone ask me this week if they could, “Pick my brain.” Hmm, doesn’t sound like something that I would enjoy.

Bosses are always telling their employees to “Think outside the box.” Not sure what box they are referring to but the last time I went outside of it I had to talk to a psychiatrist to get me back inside of it. Work bosses tell you to “Hit the ground running” or to “Get your ducks in a row.” By the time I figure out what they are trying to say I’m already behind on my work.

I am not immune to saying silly things myself from time to time. My wife came in the house yesterday and she was drenched from head to toe. Just like that without thinking, I said, “Oh is it raining outside?” She said “No I went swimming and forgot to change into my bathing suit.” Silly questions deserve silly answers.