Dear Abby: Woman’s marital arrangement causes family strife

Published 9:00 am Saturday, July 10, 2021

DEAR ABBY: My adult daughter is married. She also has a boyfriend. Both of these men live with her and share her bed. Her children are horrified by it and want nothing to do with their mother. They are embarrassed and ashamed, as am I. Her older children are of age but still in school. They would like to move out but can’t afford to; the youngest is a minor and afraid of the boyfriend. My daughter’s husband doesn’t object to the share plan. Is there anything I can do to help the kids? — CROWDED BED IN COLORADO

DEAR CROWDED: Why is your youngest grandchild afraid of your daughter’s boyfriend? Has he been physically or emotionally abusive or “grooming” her? If you don’t know the answer, it is important you find out so you can intervene, if necessary. If there is physical abuse or possibly grooming going on, CPS should be notified. A potential solution might be to invite your grandchildren to live with you until they are out of school and able to live on their own. Your daughter, her husband, and her boyfriend may be happier with all of the children out of the picture. Parents of the year, they are not.

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DEAR ABBY: I need your advice on a certain topic. I’m in my early 30s, and my husband is in his early 20s. We’re currently living with my mother-in-law, who has put a damper on my and my husband’s relationship. She tells my husband what to do, tries to make decisions for him and doesn’t give him a choice about anything.

My husband and I have been talking about moving when the time is right, but she continues to put her 2 cents in. I have been treated like crap by his mother after doing everything possible to help her. I don’t know what to do at this point. I’m slowly pulling away from the man I love, and he doesn’t seem to care. What should I do? — STUCK IN OHIO

DEAR STUCK: Your husband is barely out of his teens. It may have been an oversight, but you omitted the most important fact from your letter. WHY ARE YOU TWO LIVING WITH HIS MOTHER? She treats him like a child because that’s the way she has always treated him. If you want to save your marriage, move heaven and earth to get the two of you out of there so he can grow up to be independent.


DEAR ABBY: My husband’s birthday is on the same day as our grandson’s first communion. Our grandson’s family lives out of town, about a day’s drive. The problem is, my husband is not Catholic and doesn’t want to go because he doesn’t want to spend his birthday driving and sitting in a church. I am so torn. Should I push it? He was upset when I told him I wanted to go. He feels I should put him before the children and grandchildren. — IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR IN THE MIDDLE: Your husband is being childish and selfish. Your grandchild will have only one first communion, while you and your husband can celebrate his birthday on another day. Can you get to the site by other means of transportation to spare him the driving? He should be ashamed of himself. I hope his candle goes out before he makes a wish!


Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.


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