It’s not a lie If you believe it

Published 8:05 am Friday, July 29, 2022


Contributing columnist

It seems that people lie to us all the time. My parents raised me to understand the importance of telling the truth by telling me the story of George Washington chopping down the cherry tree. I’ll admit that if I had chopped down the cherry tree, I would have probably blamed it on my sibling. Still, I value honesty and I have grown into an adult that appreciates it when I can find it. However, I get lied to all the time. A child will give the famous line, “If I can get a dog, I’ll take care of it” bit is a classic that I’ve fell for on multiple occasions. Two weeks later, I’m outside in the rain with the dog trying to convince it to poop while they are inside nice and dry looking for Pokémon.

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However, it seems that there are things that adults lie to our children about as well. For example, that Racoon in the middle of the road is not napping, that sucker is dead as a doornail. I remember my first trip to the doctor as a child and being told that shot wouldn’t hurt. Newsflash: it did. Come to think of it, I’m still waiting on my dog to come back from that farm it went to live on when I was 9. Hopefully he has GPS on his collar since I’ve moved several times since then.

It seems we get lied to everyday even by the stores we shop at. For instance, I went to a home improvement store that advertises customer service as their number one goal but when I need help, Jimmy Hoffa would be easier to find than a store employee. I was at a restaurant and the server told me that she would be pleased to serve me. She must have been a magician because she then pulled a disappearing act and failed to refill my drink. Once my mouth began to feel like the Serengeti desert, I walked over to the drink machine and filled my own cup out of desperation. The server suddenly appeared out of nowhere and said, “Sir, you don’t work here”. I just smiled and said, “Yea, I was beginning to think you didn’t either”. I must have had a craving for a spit covered hamburger.

The products we buy lie to us all the time as well. I saw a box of cereal that boasted about having 35 grams of sugar per serving but said it was part of healthy breakfast. Whose breakfast would that be? A diabetic elephant? I don’t know about you but I’m always a little disappointed when someone lies to me and their pants don’t actually catch on fire. Just once would be great. That would be entertaining.

This got me to thinking about lying. If you asked me this morning if I told lies, I would argue that I didn’t. However, upon closer inspection, I counted several lies that I have told today. For example, I told Habib from Direct TV that I’m totally satisfied with my current television provider when I’m not. I told my boss that his idea was brilliant when in actuality, I’ve heard smarter things come out of my dog’s butt. I told my co-worker my cell phone died when in fact, I just got tired of listening and hung up.

Occasionally, I even lie to myself when I say that I’m only eating one potato chip. The next thing I know, I’m wiping the crumbs off my shirt holding an empty bag. I suppose I’ll tell another lie and tell myself that I’ll start my diet tomorrow. Remember, it’s not a lie if you believe it.